By: Carmen Gagnon -Young
The Journey to Goddess continues… this phase took me to a place about boundaries. I was experiencing my boundaries being crossed often. My heart was worn out from it. I did not understand how this keep happening. I thought I was strong and had sufficient walls built. So, why was this happening over and over? We are taught be tough, draw the line in the sand, right?
I understood that it was me creating what was happening and the answer as to why was also within me. I spent some quiet time going within, to ask the questions; Why were my boundaries been trampled upon? What do I need to see and how do I stop?
The first of the replies back started with a question that made me pause and sit down, hard. Are you respecting others boundaries? Are you? You know you get what you put out, so what are you putting out?
I went back to the golden rule, do unto others as you would have done unto you. It is a golden rule for a reason. A foundation to living life. What you give, you get is another simple way to put it. So it got me reflecting. First I had to get past the self-defense of, “but I am nice to everyone and they are not always nice back.” That is true. If you go deeper into the gold of the rule, “as you would have them do unto you”. This would mean it is based on the value of self. Not everyone has a high value of themselves and have been treated poorly and now have come to expect this from everyone and it becomes how they treat others. It shows how they are feeling about themselves. Some are not aware of how they are treating others or how it is coming across and the effects it is having.
But this comes back to you, to me… to asking ourselves, how am I treating others? Am I crossing lines? Aware or not, on purpose or not, am I stepping over boundaries? Maybe in my strength I come across overbearing, controlling, dominate, demanding which causes reactions. They becoming defensive and prompts a need to dominate first. Does this mean I have to be less strong, appear soft to not offend or cross their lines? NO!
Can I find ways to be aware of my energy and how I am coming across? YES! How can I be confident and kind, be strong and sweet, be of vision and a little bossy but ask kindly. I can communicate a bit differently. Not having to walk on egg shells, but expressing myself clearly and not assuming. Ask questions to get clarity. If I’m not sure if I’m being understood get clear communication dialog going. Ask if I can share an opinion or offer a suggestion and do so with no strings attached. Asking questions can show respect and listening to answers may offer new perspectives. Being of open energy and not to overly focused on my way. Remind myself we are all beings with feelings and different ways of doing things…not right and not wrong, just different.
And the next question I heard, Are you setting healthy boundaries within yourself? Huh, within myself? Yes, within yourself. When I really thought about what this was about I realized how I had been violating myself at a core level. How can I truly establish and uphold my boundaries. It must begin within. Being aware of my thoughts was a good starting place. At first I noticed how I spoke to myself. I would not tolerate anyone speaking to me in that tone, manner and generally not so nice. So I needed to stop that. Then the flood gates opened. I could see where I was beating myself up for everything I had done and judged my mistakes, basically not being perfect. Compared myself to others. I had such crazy standards for the perfect me. I would tell anyone else they were crazy to expect that and where to get off for trying to make me be that. So it truly began within me. I am a beautiful, amazing Goddess with gift and talents in abundance. I like who I am and my heart and intent to be in service to my community and truly shine light of love in all I do.
The boundaries of being kind to myself can now carry out to being kind to others. To not expect perfect of anyone, especially myself. I can offer this same compassion to another and most importantly, I can expect of others. When I am not getting this, I can simply walk away explaining I will not tolerate that treatment. I am treating myself & others better. Guess what? My boundaries are not being crossed. I believe it’s because they are more clearly defined and as I have shown myself respect, others are doing the same. And the journey continues deeper to my Goddess within!
For more information on Carmen or her healing sessions contact her in the Charleston area at: 314-276-7772. Or clgagnon1@yahoo.com or Healingoasisllc.com