Bet you’re feeling too fat to be in a bathing suit, let alone be seen in photos…
Listen. I hear you. You’re a few pounds heavier than you would like (or a 100 pounds heavier than you would like). I completely understand how you feel. I get that same blah feeling about myself when I think about getting my picture taken or see one online that someone has taken of mi and posted without my permission… UGH! I even picked a career that has mi NOT in the spotlight and permanently behind the camera rather than in front of it. Seeing myself in pictures often makes mi feel sick to my stomach and unhappy in my own skin.
Don’t you think it’s ironic that we can see the beauty in our best friends, sisters, mothers, and aunts without the slightest thought of their shortcomings? Yet we obsess for hours on our own imperfections? We fixate on our flaws to the point we shirk at any documentation that our round faces and curvy bodies ever peeked through any Facebook post, wedding album, or Sunday family picnic photo.
It seems there are little or no pictures to show how we LOVE, how we laugh, how we are treasured by our families. How is it possible that a double chin can overpower the beauty of a grandmother cuddling her grandchild? How does arm fat distract from the perfect shot of a spontaneous hug? How (or better yet, WHY) is it that we can put more value on a tummy roll than the captivating way we throw ourselves into a roar of laughter in a photo?
That recently happened to mi. A photo of mi was posted on social media by someone whose event I attended. In the photo I’m sitting among other ladies, chuckling, and obviously having a great time. But in the picture my head is thrown back with mouth wide open in a roar of laughter. Ten chins and all, it was one of the most hideous photos I have ever seen of myself. Rather than asking her to remove it, I embraced the photo, showed it to others and copped an attitude of, “Oh well, everyone takes a bad picture at some point, and its apparent I was happy in that one so… oh well.” It appears in our strange minds, pictures become frozen mirrors that we can stare at as we pick apart our features over and over again.
Why do we do that?
My personal approach to accepting pictures as “moments” instead of “massacre materials” was my son’s wedding photos (as you can read here: https://white-ostrich-871094.hostingersite.com.com/life-not-posed/). It was then I realized to embrace the moment in the photo rather than not have any pictures of myself that my mindset changed completely. Imagine living your entire life or your children’s childhood with no physical evidence of the quirky, wide open, and loud love you have for your life, your family, and friends.
I cannot recall the last time I had professional pictures done. I am, however, the best selfie taker you’ll ever meet and know ALL the tips and tricks to taking a photo where I’m in charge of the outcome. Seems I’ve always been waiting for the elusive moment where I would be thin enough and attractive enough to have such a permanent record of mi (or more so on the mi I see in myself). Because, you know, heaven forbid there be any proof that I look the way I actually look.
So here is the harsh truth: our vanity is no longer enough of a reason to avoid the camera. Life won’t wait until you “get thin” to capture it. Life is happening… right now. The only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are living at this instant. I shudder at the thought of leaving behind no pictures of my life with mi in it. My mom always said, “Its better be to the best YOU you can be than 1,000 copies of someone else.” So here I am, raw, no makeup, pushing sixty, exposed, flaws and all on the cover of not just a magazine but MY magazine. My baby. All to say, embrace yourself, go ahead and capture your moments, live uninhibited, and be the undeniably fabulous person that you are.
Do you know what my mom sees when she looks at this picture? Her beautiful daughter. Do you know what my husband sees? His hot wife. Do you know what my friends see? My inside revealed on the outside. Imagine that: No one is looking at how fat I look.
So, I ask you, can we agree to stop placing value on false beauty? Did you know that statistics say women who wear a noticeable amount of makeup to a job interview are less likely to get the job than women who wear modest to none? Why is that? Confidence. If a woman is confident she’s not only sexy, but people want to be surrounded by her, work with her, and admire her. Can we just accept that the weight we’ve been trying to lose for five years might just be a part of what we look like… and that if this magical day does come when we’re acceptably thin, we’ll STILL regret not having any pictures with our kids and our family? Can we acknowledge that the insecurities we have in our heads will never be a part of how our children, husbands, and friends see us? Can we please let our loved ones remember the US they love?
Your children want pictures with their mom. Your husband wants pictures with his beautiful wife. Gray hair, scars, and all. You’ve earned them. They are badges of honor. Of things overcome. Your mom and dad want pictures of the happy, successful, amazing woman they raised.
And if you’re worried about that high school friend on Facebook that will say to herself (“wow she has gained weight”) then… news flash you DID. You gained weight. Shed a tear. Read a book. Drink a glass of wine. Do whatever it takes to accept the reality that you GAINED WEIGHT. The truth is you’ve gained a lot of other things in the process (a business or career, a family, some great kids, a home, a love for travel, the ability to laugh at your shortcomings), and that girl from high school is going to spend a lot more time focusing on those things than she ever will on your double chin or fat arms. Besides, I love how Dr. Seuss puts it, “Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” True. True. Be you.
So, if you’re feeling too fat to be seen in a bathing suit or plan to avoid cameras all together this summer, fine! But you’re the only one who notices. The rest of us are too caught up in loving you and enjoying the moments we share with you.
By putting my photo with no makeup on this letter, I took a leap and decided to not only express myself: my raw, pure, true self but embrace who I am, flaws and all. As my wonderful late friend Erik told mi, “Be you. And let the world catch up!” I encourage you to do the same.
stay fabulous, stay you!
“mi”