By: PurpleBarbi
Lying in my bed and it’s O’dark thirty. I’m staring at my
ceiling fan as it wobbles about slowly, doing a mediocre job of cooling my
room. I’m wondering about what today will bring. I’m trying to imagine it through
the stucco of my ceiling. Normally, I’m bombarded with thoughts of yesterday,
last week, or last year even. Who did it? Why? And how did I not see it coming?
And along with these and a many other thoughts, I also convey to myself, “He
couldn’t have loved me because,” or, “She obviously wasn’t my friend or she
wouldn’t have.” When my purple-covered toenails of my size nines meet my
animal-printed carpet I will probably be thinking the same thing, probably with
more details. As I am taking my shower I’ll be wondering if their morning routine
is the same as it once was. Is he wearing the purple boxers I bought for him?
Does he now love his man smell as I did? Does he sleep with one of his legs
across his back as I did? Does he know that fireballs are his favorite and will
cripple him like kryptonite if revealed in any argument? Does he know that? I
wonder, but I’ll never know. What about her? Does her new BFF know that she likes
mushrooms as if they were the delicacies of kings from the new world? Does she
know that when we went for Chinese that we would laugh as I plucked my
mushrooms out of my vegetable lo mein onto hers? Do they know these things? I’m
wondering how anyone could let go of such love and friendship? How? Why? Who does
that?
It’s now O’dark thirty-four and 43 seconds. I think I don’t want
to start my mornings like this anymore. I don’t want to give my mornings over
to what could have been and why. I don’t want to relive the hurt and grieve
over lost relationships any longer. I think I want to figure out who’s on first
or if the chicken or the egg came first. I want to figure out if there’s
actually an end to a rainbow…maybe, or maybe I want to figure out how many
licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop! But there is something out
there pulling at me, daring me to come out of these depressing thoughts and see
what is on the other side of them. I want to breathe, love and live. Breathe in
new experiences, exhale the old. Love everything and everyone because it’s just
easier and more fun. And live! Live like I’ve been given a second chance
because I have. And you have. Every day is a second chance to have a better day
than the one before. The opportunities are endless. You can go to China if you
want (I’m actually going to be running a marathon there in 2017!), but it all
begins with you. As soon as you wake up it begins. Make a decision. Make a
choice. Are you going to choose the latter? Do you really want to relive how he
hurt you? Or how she appeared to be your friend but when your back was turned
she was actually the one gossiping about you to everyone at work? Yes, girl,
and you told her your most private of secrets. You really can’t trust anyone
(giving you duck lips here). Anyway, let me help you out sister girl, brother,
Caitlin: Live! It’s so much more fun because someone is always going to talk
about you—good or bad—even sister soldier from church, especially her… Trust
me. So go to the beach, run in the water, wear a little green dress with polka
dots and clutch a straw hat because where else will you wear it? Hold your head
up high and sashay past the ones who talked about you, who hurt you, “the one”
who left you. Acknowledge your pain in your chest (because it was real), wish
them the best and send them a mental “fuck you” like CeeLo sang and get on with
the rest of your life. There is a plane ticket to China with my name on it. Where’s
yours going?
PurpleBarbi, a military brat, was born in Germany and raised around the world. She now calls South Carolina home. She is a little eccentric, introverted, outgoing, and neurotic along with many other wonderful things. Barbi has been writing since elementary school, creating her own stories. The Vagina Series are her first published works. By no means a sex book but intimate all the same, The Vagina Series is about a woman who is unable to recover from an unexpected break up, who is trapped in a state of mind and cannot break free and has unexpectedly shut herself off from everyone and everything in an attempt to protect herself from hurt. Using the most intimate part of a woman Barbi utilizes it in her story as she believes it is ultimately the pathway to the heart and soul of a woman. How the character uses it and allows another to use it will determine her state of mind and whomever reads it will be able to relate to the issues the character goes. For more information visit: www.thisisyourvagina.com