By: Taffy Hawkins
Tony Robbins said, “if you want to take the island, you have to burn the boats.” The phrase has been traced by many to Herman Cortez to his men in 1519. Having a significant fleet of ships as well as many men and horses, Cortez charged into Mexico in search of treasure. For Cortez, there was no plan B. There had to be a clear removal of any opportunity to retreat. Either these men would conquer this land or die trying.
Burning the boats means that you are literally setting fire to anything that will take you back to your comfort zone. Nothing about 2020 has been comfortable. This year has been a challenge in so many ways. Nothing has turned out as expected. This time of uncertainty, at least for someone who considers herself a planner, has caused feelings of fear, anxiety, distrust, and overwhelm to surface. These emotions do not lead to progress in life or sport. These feelings do not have to define you. This is an island. Your toes are sinking deep into unknown sands. I know that the people reading this article are not cowering back in fear. You are burning boats. You are warriors!
In response to these feelings, I first ask clients or readers to make a list. On the first page is the list of things that you can control in this situation right now. On the second, the things that are out of your control. Now, politely dispose of that second page. We will not be needing it! Please take a good hard look at the list that you kept. Which of these things align with your current goals? For example, you cannot control the cost of avocados, but you can find healthy ways to revise your diet to meet your goals. You can choose to go for a walk every evening when the temperatures decrease just a bit. You can make the phone call, send the email, sign up for the class. We forget sometimes that we have a choice in our own lives.
The next step after controlling the controllables is to have a toolbox full of strategies for when things get really hard. A warrior does not charge into battle without a plan or a weapon. The following techniques are those used by high performers and world class elite athletes to conquer their own feelings of inadequacy, fear, anxiety or overwhelm:
- Your warrior self: How does he/she think? Move? Nourish? Respond to controversy? This is your state of personal power, the highest version possible for yourself. Act in accordance with the best interest of this highest self. Give yourself a name. Embrace those feelings, smells, sounds, and voice of this self. This warrior lives inside of you. Anchor these feelings with a word or gesture such as tapping yourself on the wrist.
- Use positive words even when giving yourself feedback. Maybe that decision wasn’t your very best. Learn from the experience and give yourself grace. Always acknowledge what you did correctly.
- Consider the future: What would the five years from now version of yourself prefer that you do in the given situation?. Use this to guide your decision- making process and formation of habits.
- Use affirmations. If words have power, make sure that you are filling your mind with the best. Remind yourself of who you are by celebrating wins. Make sure that these are in alignment with your goals.
- Set goals that will challenge you far beyond your current circumstances. The boats are gone. We celebrate in the ashes of our comfort zones and charge forward toward the lives that we truly desire.
- Have strategies for arousal control when feeling stressed or anxious. Battlegrounds are hardly the place to be overtaken by nerves or bored by too little stimulation. You need to use psychological strategies to return to the sweet spot of optimal arousal. One way is breathwork. My favorite breathing pattern is simple: four count breath in, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. This works whether you are speaking to a crowd of 20,000 or stepping up to the plate for the first time on a team. The second is to have a specific routine immediately prior to the moment that you need to speak, bat, or ask out that person that you have your eye on. Visualize for 5-10 seconds the ideal outcome of the situation. Create a quick statement that can be repeated in your head prior to the moment that you need to be “on”. This is the signal to your brain that it is time to shine. Maybe it is a few words from a song or a personal affirmation. Lock it in as you do with your state of personal power. You are now equipped to step into uncharted territory.
It is easy to shrink back to familiar territory when things get tough. The very best way for you to move forward in pursuit of your biggest dreams is to remove any opportunity for retreat. Burn the boats. You are warriors. I believe in you.
Dr. Taffy Hawkins is an avid writer, researcher and performance expert. Her love of education and teaching others has led her to complete her doctorate in Sport and Performance Psychology to help clients become their best in life and sport. Her research on overcoming the psychological symptoms that accompany injury was developed to assist athletes in returning to sport mentally strong following rehabilitation. She is also the author of Living out your bucket list right now for the adventure of a lifetime, a book on planning and completing your bucket list to live a happier and more adventurous life. Her background in coaching and higher education offers a unique perspective on gaining the mental and physical edge to optimize performance in all aspects of life. When she is not helping others become their best self, she enjoys reading, writing, sports, traveling with her family and daydreaming about her next adventure. Contact Dr. Hawkins at: yourdaringadventure@yahoo.com