By: Sandy Bowen ~ Staff Contributing Ambassador & Writer
The mid-80s were a challenge for our family of five. We had left my home state of Michigan in June 1983 to relocate to my husband’s home state of Northern California. We had hopes and dreams of an exciting new life, as we left behind a state stuck in recession. I quickly found a teaching position in our new community, as my husband searched for work. At long last, he settled into marketing the new concept of plastic groceries bags in Sacramento and Solano County. At last, we hoped to get back on our feet!
Sadly, one afternoon in 1985, I received a phone call at school that my husband, John, was in the ER in a Sacramento hospital. I quickly made arrangements for my children and my students and sped to the hospital to discover that my husband had passed out in the men’s room at work having a seizure.
How puzzling! A Seizure? John was an active, fun-loving fortynine-year-old with no seizure history. This episode was the beginning of the roller coaster of our lives. Our children were ages 8, 11, 13 at that time which meant balancing the days to come with their school activities and studies, my classroom, and John’s health. Over the next few years, it was discovered that John had a brain tumor the size of his hand located between his brain and his skull. As the tumor grew, his body weakened, and his head pain increased. Our days were full of trips to doctors, surgery, radiation, and more doctors until it was discovered the once removed tumor had reoccurred deeper within his brain causing his life to begin to fade along with our hopes and dreams of our exciting future in California.
Naturally our bedroom became a place of emotionally handling the stresses of the day. We cried there and talked about the future of our children as well as mine. I tended to his needs there until he could no longer climb stairs and slept in a recliner downstairs and finally in a hospital bed. Each evening, I would read to him, we would talk about love and life, and I would pray with him before heading upstairs to manage my emotions and prepare for the next day. On and on, day after day, I managed our household, a classroom, and the needs of my children until the end of May. My Mother flew in from Florida to assist John as I supported my children and my students as we finished our school year. That intense school year came to an end allowing us to relax and regroup, but not for long. Just five days after school was out, we were all busy with summer activities as Mother tended to John’s needs when he peacefully took his final breath. What a shock it was! We were not prepared yet! How would we move forward?
A few weeks later as I sat in our bedroom grief rolled over me, and it became clear that I needed a renewed space to relax, remember, and move forward into our life on our own. Our room was so full of wonderful memories, yet the memories of the final few years of our struggle as a couple managing his illness. Not forgetting John was important, yet I needed a renewed space of my own.
One of John’s closest friends, Larry, offered to help me with guy tasks, and I took him up on his offer. First, I began by sorting out John’s clothing, taking joy in blessing others in need. Then Larry helped me move furniture to create a new atmosphere. We painted the walls a fresh spa color, and I purchased all new bedding and wall hangings.
Ah-h-h-h! My new place of rest! A place where I could have pleasant memories of John, in a new atmosphere. I rested better and read in the evenings, feeling embraced by John’s memories and thoughts of the days to come.
Sandy grew up in Michigan then moved to Northern California in 1983 with her husband and three children. Currently, she resides in Mesa, AZ, living near her youngest daughter and foster grand-daughter. She has another daughter, a son, and four grandsons. Sandy is a retired elementary school teacher, retired ordained pastor, the author of Becoming a Living Sanctuary (www.becomingalivingsanctuary.com), online teacher of self-created curriculum on intimacy with God, discovering how you are uniquely created and specially made for a Kingdom Purpose. Her ministry is called Joyful Kingdom Living and includes a mentorship program. For more information: joyfulkingdomliving@gmail.com.