By: Dayna Lopez
When I was asked to write this article, I found myself in an unexpected battle with myself. I have let go of so very many things…but, as I started to write I realized there is yet more that I need to surrender and release so that I can truly be free to be who I desire to be.
My whole life was marked by insecurity. As a child, I was very active and in order to meet the needs I had to fit in or feel like I mattered, I always had to be the best at everything. Playing the flute wasn’t enough….I had to be first chair. Singing wasn’t enough….I had to win the school talent show and land the big solos in concerts. Playing softball wasn’t enough….I had to have a prime position (catcher). I couldn’t just get decent grades…I had to be in the honors program and debate and academic clubs.
I had a performance mindset about everything. If I performed well, I felt good….I had attention and my parents were proud of me. But, the problem with that is this….when I wasn’t the best (and no one can be best all the time) or when I fell a little short, I felt rejected and depressed. I spent most of my life on an emotional roller coaster. I carried this to adulthood and then into my marriage.
One day, I had a revelation….my oldest son was about 10 years old and I realized I was pushing him to perform the way that I did. And all of a sudden my heart broke to little pieces. I made a decision right then and there that I would spend every day of my life as a wife and mother ensuring my children and husband that I would love and accept them when they performed well and when they didn’t. I had to let go of many bad patterns and thought processes. I had to have a complete mindset overhaul. And I had to give myself grace to change and do better.
What I found as I allowed this transformation wasn’t just a revolutionary change in the way I related to my family, but I found myself! I had spent my whole life trying to measure up to what other people expected me to be. All of a sudden I was free to just be my weird, quirky self!
I started dying my hair fun neon colors. I went skydiving and took my kids on crazy survival preparedness camping trips. And I started enjoying my life and my family!
I want to encourage you….if you struggle with trying to meet the expectations of others or trying to look good and perform well so others will like you….let it go! Just be you! The ones who are meant to have relationships with you will like you and love you just the way you are!
Dayna Lopez has home schooled her 3 sons for 10 years. She is an artist and children’s pastor in Charleston, SC. She loves to read and is always open to try new things and connect with new people. She is passionate about helping and building others up and restoring broken families. Her life’s mission is to bring hope to the hopeless and draw out creativity and freedom of expression for every person she encounters through her art studio, business and ministry.