By: Carmen Gagnon
Have you ever heard or read a story and thought to yourself, “Whew, glad that’s not me or there’s no way would I ever allow that”? You are touched in some deep way, but you go on your way relieved. This happened to me. I did go on my way but couldn’t shake the feelings it evoked. Let me tell you more…
I have a friend and this happened to her daughter just two weeks ago. Daughter went to school in a school T-shirt and denim skirt. She had worn both before. On this day while standing in the hall with her friends, a teacher approached her and told her to go to the office and call a parent to get a change of clothes. The teacher said she looked like she was ready to go clubbing. Embarrassed, she complied and called Mom for a pair of pants.
Mom ran them up. In the conversation with the principal, he shared with them both the need for young ladies to cover themselves modestly because boys in middle school are very easily distracted. If the girls expose themselves it causes problem. The skirt was within the perimeters set by the school. They measured. But she was so humiliated that she just wanted to return to class and forget it. They talked about it after school because Mom did not want her to feel like it was her fault. They discussed that she was responsible for her and not what the boys were thinking. To not incite “those” kind of thoughts but to feel good about her choices and actions.
They decided to share the experience with friends on social media. They were blown away at the response. Many, many stepped forward to discuss similar events and how it made them feel ashamed, humiliated and started a negative belief within themselves.
What is your story? Have you been made to feel that something was your fault? An attraction you did not encourage? A spouse or partner who had affairs, a boss who made advances, an abusive relationship where you believed it was your fault? The list is endless.
It was not then, nor is it now, your fault. The clothes you wear do not give permission for anything. Your sweet, forgiving nature does not give permission to betray, and your kindness and desire to perform does not give permission to take advantage of.
It is time we say no more. Time we hold these perpetrators accountable for their actions. By supporting each other with our words and actions we create safe places for those who have already experienced and need healing, those who are there now and those to come. We do not need to be attacking each other and tearing down another sister, judging her, talking about her—you know what I am talking about. Stop being so catty and mean. Even if you do not agree with, don’t tear another down.
Usually when we see something in another that bothers us, it is because we are seeing what we don’t like about ourselves. If we can stop judging another, it allows us to stop judging ourselves. Accept there are differences—that simple—just different, not better or worse. Deep within we are the same.
This story came to life when I started seeing the faces and flashes of memories of events where I was judged and condemned by fellow females, taken advantage of by boyfriends, bosses, guy friends. Had my heart wounded with betrayal, felt humiliation and shame at the deepest levels. Had my confidence shattered and the belief about my value damaged. These feelings and experiences I had declared to be truths about myself were only true if I believed them to be. By letting go of the attachment and giving no value to them, I took back my power. NO MORE! I alone would decide what my worth is! It was time to forgive, let go and move forward with new values and beliefs about me! I am strong, beautiful, kind, wise, funny, sexy, intuitive, caring, loving, giving, multi-talented, a great friend, stable and so much more.
I have discovered the Journey to Goddess is not about just my personal steps of healing and awakening, but by looking at and healing my wounds, I am healing for those who don’t know how, the importance of and ability to. Sister, look within, see the wounds, be compassionate to yourself. Forgive yourself and those who trespassed. Let it go. Free yourself and all the goddesses who struggle. Let’s be better to each other and ourselves.
Carmen Gagnon is a gifted intuitive, energy crystal therapy, life/DNA activation practioner, teacher, speaker and writer. She serves the community as a co-organizer of The WiseWomen Circle of Charleston, a meet up group of 700 women strong, and recently started the WiseMen of Charleston, all seekers of knowledge of spiritual content. She shares her knowledge teaching at Bliss a spiritual co-op. Has started and developed several businesses with the current ones on her plate being, Sparkling Beauties – custom crystal jewelry and pretties, Vision Manager – Business and Spiritual Coaching, Energy Healing at Healing Oasis – bringing light thru Aura Healing, Crystal Therapy, Life/DNA Activation, Guided Meditations.