By: Katryna Johnson, J.D. – Staff contributing writer, subscriber, affiliate
Quite by accident, I discovered one of the most fundamental steps in solving any problem. You have to actually name or identify the real problem. So many times, we find ourselves trying to fix the wrong thing. Putting a band-aid on a broken finger does no good. A lot of the time, what we really need to figure out is what we are afraid of.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Well, that sums it up, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, fear is not just one thing, it’s a huge category of things. Fear comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Some fear is good and necessary. When we are being chased by a growling dog, our fear causes adrenaline to be released, helping us run faster. That’s good fear. How many of us have had that heart-stopping moment when we avert our eyes for just a second and then when we look back, the 3-year-old is nowhere to be seen? That’s necessary fear. It causes us to focus our attention and react quickly.
All of us have fears, whether we have acknowledged them or not. There’s no such thing as a fearless person. Sometimes it’s painfully obvious what we’re afraid of. We can identify the subject of our fear in a snap. We know if we’re afraid of spiders, or snakes, or elevators, or open spaces. But many of us have hidden fears, fears that we may not even know are there.
Did you know that there are approximately two thousand classified fears – fears with unpronounceable names like tiskaidekaphobia (fear of the number 13) or arachnophobia (fear of spiders) or claustrophobia (fear of closed places). According to psychiatrists, newborns come into the world with only 2 fears – the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. Every other fear is learned or imagined.
Fear holds you back. It’s only by identifying and then facing our fears that you can move to the next level or take that next step. What I have found in working with women who want to start their own businesses is that we usually have to deal with three issues before they can really become successful. First, we have to make sure they have a clear vision. Without a vision, we can’t create a road map or make any sort of action plan to get them to where they want to go. Second, we have to make sure they have enough of the right kind of support. For many women, this means they need to create new relationships in their lives, they need to identify where their weaknesses are, and then they need to learn how to ask for help. And third, we must identify and overcome their fears.
What I’ve discovered is that fear comes in basically three flavors: the fear of the unknown; the fear of failure; and the most difficult of all fears to overcome, the fear of success.
So there is the road map to success: Get Clear, Lose Your Fear, Create a Plan and You Can Conquer the World.
So, with apologies to Alcoholics Anonymous, here are my 12 Steps to Get Clear and Lose the Fear:
- Admit that you are afraid and it’s OK and natural.
- Realize that God put you in this time and place and there’s a purpose for everything.
- Make the decision to pursue your true purpose and passion, no matter what. You’ve got to become very clear on how you want your life to be. If you can see it, you can achieve it.
- You have to get to know yourself deeply and truthfully. Your authentic self cannot remain suppressed anymore. The more in touch you become with who you really and truly are, the easier it becomes to lose the fear and take the steps that are necessary to achieve your dreams.
- Admit that what you have been doing up to this point has not made you happy or fulfilled everything you want out of life. You can do better. But only you can make the change.
- Be open to opportunities as they present themselves.
- Ask others for help – but stay away from naysayers – make yourself some new, positive friends
- Make a list of all the things you DO NOT want in your life any longer – NO COMPROMISES
- Make a list of things that you DO want in your life going forward – ACCEPT NOTHING LESS
- Continually work on yourself – develop your skills, make your emotional & physical well-being a priority. Take care of YOU
- Find a mentor or accountability partner.
- Help others. Do not be selfish. The more you give, the more you get.
Katryna Johnson, J.D., aka Trina, owns Mirelli Entrepreneur Training for Women. Her passion for helping women came from seeing her law clients broken and demoralized after divorce. She helps women build confidence, take responsibility, and launch businesses. She wholeheartedly believes women who help other women succeed will change the world. Find out more at www. MirelliETC.com