…A Special Discovery As Presented By C. Michelle Bryant
When I was in high school Home Economics was required learning. The first semester was sewing and piece goods and the second semester was cooking and table proper table etiquette. As the oldest of eight children in my home, proper table manners were not only taught they were enforced. I was raised that although I may be eating at a casual place I should still conduct myself as a lady and with class. These teachings I have carried with me into my adulthood.
I recall my Junior High school homecoming dance date took me to a casual chicken restaurant before the dance and attempted to tell mi that the metal cup of water to the right of my plate with lemon floating in it was my “before meal” quencher. Little did he know he had asked a girl with manner, taste and class to be his date that night and I explained to him that I was aware it was finger bowl and did not appreciate his demeaning me or my character.
Most of us know when we sit down if there are two forks next to our plates that one is for salad but f you were put in a situation would you know how to conduct yourself in an appropriate manner with the correct utensils, etc.?
Setting a table is not as difficult as it seems. The general rule is: Utensils are placed in the order of use; that is, from the outside in. A second rule, with only a few exceptions, is: Forks go to the left of the plate, and knives and spoons go to the right. And finally, only set the table with utensils you will use. (example: No soup; no soup spoon).
Let’s start with a typical place setting guide:
Imagine the word “FORKS.” The order, left to right, is: F for Fork, O for the (shape of the) Plate, K for Knives and S for Spoons. (you have to forget the R, but you get the idea!)
Holding your hands in front of you, touch the tips of your thumbs to the tips of your forefingers to make a lowercase ‘b’ with your left hand and a lowercase ‘d’ with your right hand. This reminds you that “bread and butter” (b) go to the left of the place setting and “drinks” (d) go on the right.
Remember:
- Knife blades always cut the plate
- The napkin goes to the left of the fork, or on the plate
- The bread and butter knife are optional
Now for a formal place setting: The formal place setting is primarily used at home for a meal of more than three courses, such as a dinner party or a holiday meal
Simply put, it’s the informal place setting taken to the next level by adding glassware, dishes and utensils for the foods and beverages served with the additional courses. It’s also used at high-end restaurants that serve multiple courses.
Everything on your table should be crisp and sparkling. White linens are still considered the most formal, but colored or patterned tablecloths or place mats, and napkins can be just as elegant. Other possible elements include candles, a centerpiece or multiple flower arrangements, and place cards. Place mats (if used) are entered in front of each chair, about one to two inches from the edge of the table. A tablecloth is spread to hang evenly on each end and on the sides. The average drop is 12 to 18 inches, but don’t worry if it is a little long or short—you just don’t want it hanging too low, or it will end up in the diners’ laps.
The most formal table is strictly symmetrical: centerpiece in the exact center, an even number of candlesticks, place settings spaced evenly around the table, silverware lined up and at the same distance from the edge of the table. The space not taken up by place settings is your available decoration space. Feel free to vary flower arrangements and decorations as you like, creating a balanced and pleasing look. Be careful not to overcrowd the table, and arrange your decorations so diners seated opposite can see each other.
Additionals to remember for formal place settings is:
- No more than three of any implement are ever placed on the table, except when an oyster fork is used in addition to three other forks. If more than three courses are served before dessert, then the utensils for the fourth course are brought in with the food; likewise, the salad fork and knife may be brought in when the salad course is served.
- Dessert spoons and forks are brought in on the dessert plate just before dessert is served.
The placement of utensils is guided by the menu, the idea being that you use utensils in an “outside in” order.
(a) Service Plate: This large plate, also called a charger, serves as an underplate for the plate holding the first course, which will be brought to the table. When the first course is cleared, the service plate remains in place for any other courses, such as a soup course, until the plate holding the entrée is served, at which point the two plates are exchanged. The charger may serve as the underplate for several courses which precede the entrée.
(b) Butter Plate: The small butter plate is placed above the forks at the left of the place setting.
(c) Dinner Fork: The largest of the forks, also called the place fork, is placed on the left of the plate. Other smaller forks for other courses are arranged to the left or right of the dinner fork, according to when they will be used.
(d) Fish Fork: If there is a fish course, this small fork is placed to the left of the dinner fork because it is the first fork used.
(e) Salad Fork: If the salad is served after the entrée, the small salad fork is placed to the right of the dinner fork, next to the plate. If the salad is to be served first, and fish second, then the forks would be arranged (left to right): salad fork, fish fork, dinner fork.
(f) Dinner Knife: The large dinner knife is placed to the right of the dinner plate.
(g) Fish Knife: The specially shaped fish knife goes to the right of the dinner knife.
(h) Salad Knife (Note: there is no salad knife in the illustration): If used, according to the above menu, it would be placed to the left of the dinner knife, next to the dinner plate. If the salad is to be served first, and fish second, then the knives would be arranged (left to right): dinner knife, fish knife, salad knife.
(i) Soup Spoon or Fruit Spoon: If soup or fruit is served as a first course, then the accompanying spoon goes to the right of the knives.
(j) Oyster Fork: If shellfish are to be served, the oyster fork goes to the right of the spoons. Note: It is the only fork ever placed on the right of the plate.
(k) Butter Knife: The small spreader is paced diagonally on top of the butter plate, handle on the right and blade down.
(l) Glasses: These are placed on the right, above the knives and spoons. They can number up to five and are placed in the order they will be used. When there are more than three glasses, they can be arranged with smaller glasses in front. The water goblet (la) is placed directly above the knives. Just to the right are placed a red (lc) or white (ld) wine glass. A sherry glass or champagne flute (le), to accompany a first course or for an opening toast, go to the right of the wine glasses. Glasses used for a particular course are removed at the end of the course.
(m) Napkin: The napkin is placed on top of the charger (if one is used) or in the space for the plate. It can also go to the left of the forks, or under the forks if space is tight.
Did you know that the placement of your utensils during and after the meal determines whether you are resting, finished, etc.?
(g) Fish Knife: The specially shaped fish knife goes to the right of the dinner knife.
(h) Salad Knife (Note: there is no salad knife in the illustration): If used, according to the above menu, it would be placed to the left of the dinner knife, next to the dinner plate. If the salad is to be served first, and fish second, then the knives would be arranged (left to right): dinner knife, fish knife, salad knife.
(i) Soup Spoon or Fruit Spoon: If soup or fruit is served as a first course, then the accompanying spoon goes to the right of the knives.
(j) Oyster Fork: If shellfish are to be served, the oyster fork goes to the right of the spoons. Note: It is the only fork ever placed on the right of the plate.
(k) Butter Knife: The small spreader is paced diagonally on top of the butter plate, handle on the right and blade down.
(l) Glasses: These are placed on the right, above the knives and spoons. They can number up to five and are placed in the order they will be used. When there are more than three glasses, they can be arranged with smaller glasses in front. The water goblet (la) is placed directly above the knives. Just to the right are placed a red (lc) or white (ld) wine glass. A sherry glass or champagne flute (le), to accompany a first course or for an opening toast, go to the right of the wine glasses. Glasses used for a particular course are removed at the end of the course.
(m) Napkin: The napkin is placed on top of the charger (if one is used) or in the space for the plate. It can also go to the left of the forks, or under the forks if space is tight.
Did you know that the placement of your utensils during and after the meal determines whether you are resting, finished, etc.?
Now let’s talk manners and table etiquette:
Etiquette is about how to conduct yourself beautifully.
Unfortunately, many people consider respect for the rules of etiquette as something shameful, or old fashioned and consider it a feature of classy aesthetes removed from everyday real life. However, there are a few rules we feel should be reiterated and continued in our society.
Here is a list of the top ten:
Table manners have evolved over centuries to make the practice of eating with others pleasant and sociable. With so many table manners to keep track, keep these basic, but oh-so-important, table manners in mind as you eat:
- Chew with your mouth closed.
- Keep your smartphone off the table and set to silent or vibrate. Wait to check calls and texts until you are finished with the meal and away from the table.
- Don’t use your utensils like a shovel or stab your food.
- Don’t pick your teeth at the table.
- Remember to use your napkin. Which should be in your lap at all times unless being used.
- Wait until you’re done chewing to sip or swallow a drink. (Choking is clearly an exception.)
- Cut only one piece of food at a time.
- Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses).
- Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you.
- Take part in the dinner conversation.
Here are a few other tidbits:
- Don’t invite a girl on a date if you’re going to be texting all the evening.
- A man never carries a woman’s handbag. However, he can take her coat to carry it to the cloakroom.
- If you’re walking along with someone and your companion greets a person you don’t know, you should also greet them.
- Most people believe that the only proper way of eating sushi is using chopsticks. However, this really depends. Men, unlike women, can eat sushi with their hands.
- A man should always walk on a woman’s left-hand side. Military men are the only exception, because they should be ready to salute.
- Nine things should be kept secret at the table: age, wealth, family quarrels, religion, medical problems, love affairs, gifts, honor, and disgrace.
- A man should never touch a woman without her permission. This means that it is unacceptable to: hold her hand, touch her during a conversation, and push her or take her hand above the elbow (unless a man is helping her to get into or out of a car, or cross the street).
- If someone calls to you rudely (’You there!’), you shouldn’t answer. Be a model of good etiquette and polite social manners.
- The golden rule when using perfume is moderation. If you can still smell your perfume in the evening, everyone else is already tired of it.
- A well-bred man will always show proper respect to a woman.
- In a woman’s presence, men may only smoke with her permission.
- Avoid laughing and talking too loudly, as well as staring at people — it’s insulting.
- Don’t forget to thank your loved ones, relatives, and friends. They help you not because they have to. It’s their desire. Appreciate them.
As we finish the year and approach a new one we hope you will join us creating beautiful tables and in implementing some of these practices in your daily meals. Bon Appetite!