By: Trina Johnson
Starting conversations, especially with strangers, can be an
intimidating process. You don’t want to bother then, you don’t want to seem
rude, you hope you can say something interesting or clever. But every friend
was once a stranger, so the more you can come out of your shell and engage
others in conversation, the more friends and potential partners you will find.
Building rapport is the process of finding common interests.
Once rapport is built, our defenses come down and we can show a bit of our heart
and our authentic selves. We all know that you can almost always make a comment
about the weather as a conversation-starter. Weather is something that everyone
has in common. If all else fails, it’s a good way to start.
But you don’t want to be generic. You want to stand out. You
want to be memorable. So instead of the weather, try one of these approaches. Start
with a firm handshake if appropriate, or a smile and eye contact. Then follow
up with a sincere compliment. Everyone likes to be complimented, be it on their
outfit, their hair cut, their shoes, or even their posture. Starting a
conversation with a compliment immediately makes the other person’s ego respond
positively and lowers their defenses. It makes the conversation more
comfortable for both of you. You can also depend on the topics of F-O-R-M;
Family, Occupation, Recreation, or Mission in Life. You should have one or two
go-to stories for each of these categories. For instance, be ready to tell a
funny story about your child, or a family vacation. If you can get the other person
to smile, or even better, laugh, then you know you’ve established rapport. When
first talking with a stranger, it’s best to stay away from controversial topics
like politics or social issues.
Another good approach is to ask questions. The one who asks the
questions controls the conversation. Learn to ask open-ended questions,
questions that can’t be answered with yes or no. If you are asking questions,
make sure you are listening carefully and are prepared to ask follow-up
questions to keep the conversation going. Between each question, pause for a
moment. You don’t want to appear to be interrogating your new friend. You just
want to get to know them. Being interested in what they have to say is
irresistible and makes you seem much more interesting to them.
Conversation is an art that must be practiced. There are
thousands of opportunities to try out your skills. Talk to the people standing
behind you in the grocery line, or waiting for a table at your favorite
restaurant on a Friday night. You might want to talk to other mothers at the
soccer field, or strike up a conversation with the group at the bowling alley.
The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become.