By: L. Shay Bradham
I’ve written before about the seasons of life, how we, as women, often have defined “seasons” to our lives. For many, those are youth, adulthood, motherhood (if that is your path/choice), career, retirement, and beyond.
Women (and especially mothers) are often told that our needs come second. Or even last. We are often told to put the needs of others before our own (and one of those needs is the need to be happy). It sounds like a noble goal, doesn’t it? It sounds selfless and heroic. It sounds like what a good mother, wife, or daughter would do, doesn’t it?
- But it’s wrong.
If an airplane loses oxygen and the face masks drop down, parents are instructed to use the mask first, breathing in precious oxygen so that they can function well enough to assist their child(ren).
Life is like that. We need to tend to our own needs first. Our needs are like oxygen. We need to tend to ourselves so that we can help others. Happiness and fulfillment are genuine needs, not “nice to have”. Our needs shouldn’t come last. They should come first.
How did that last sentence make you feel? Did you think that it’s selfish? Was your first thought, “No, they don’t. My needs come after _________.” That fill-in-the-blank could be anything: kids, spouse, family, friends, job, etc. Does that mean we don’t ever make sacrifices for others? Of course not. There will always be times when we put the needs of others first. On occasion. But not day after day, day in and day out.
Choosing happiness can be hard at first, especially if you are used to putting the happiness of others before your own. You might feel a little fragile the first time you choose your own happiness and put your needs above others. You might have loved ones or friends try to guilt you into putting yourself last.
- I am giving you permission to put yourself first.
I’m 54 years old. I am the happiest that I have ever been. I’ve learned how to balance my needs with the needs of others. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be happy. I don’t have to sacrifice my happiness so that others can be happy. I’ve begun my time to frolic in the sun, and I am loving every minute of it.
- Come frolic with me.